Thursday, September 10, 2009

Please Remove the Knife From My Back


Ayer I was so happy! Remember how I was gushing about my niece and sister starting school. That feels like a million years ago.

Today I woke up crying...It has been over 5 months since I woke up with this empty feeling. You know the kind? For a minute you think it was just a dream but its hits you "nope it really happened".

So what happened you ask? I am about to be "that girl whining about her ex boyfriend" please feel free to close the page if you're not in the mood to listen to my rants...I won't be offended...

Ayer I got a tm from the ex...it started off great..we were laughing and reminiscing about old time. For a minute I forgot that we were broken up and that he was the one that ripped my heart out and stomped on it a couple of times to make sure it was out for the count. Everything thing was great until he asked the loaded question "so are you seeing anyone" what do I say "NO, NO ONE AT ALL..I HAVE BEEN HOLDING THIS TORCH FOR 10 MONTHS" I thought I should skip that and just replied "nothing serious and yourself". I put my phone down and did not look at it again for about 30 minutes (had to drive). When I got the restaurant, I pulled my phone out and who knew my beloved phone would be the one holding the knife...

He sent me not 1 nor 2 messages about his girlfriend but instead SIX! Is he serious? All I could say was "at restaurant ttyl"...I thought that was the end of it but he tm'ed me later in the evening asking me about the sushi place I took him to and if any trains go there...Is he nuts? Why would I tell him about MY sushi place? I simply replied "no". We started talking yet again...I even told him that we needed to stop talking because honestly what is the point? He said some shit about me being such an important person in his life and that he doesn't want me to become a memory blah blah. He even said that he wants us to hang out... So we kept talking but he was just preparing to stab me a few more time...by the end of the conversation, I found out that they are so in love, he plans to spend the rest of his life with her, his son loooooooves her He was just stabbing me left to right...I couldn't take it anymore...the tears were streaming down my face just as they are now and I sent him this "I can't do this, I can't talk to you right now"..he replied back "I'm so sorry I didn't mean to open up old wounds, I am so sorry maybe I shouldn't have contacted you". Old wounds? These suckers have barely healed and he is already off in love with someone else? Are you shitting me? Do you know that I have not dated, kissed, or screwed anyone else since the breakup in November because I wanted to take a break and here he is falling in love! Ugh wtf!!!!

Sorry for my rambles but I rather say this to you guys than send a long email and once again having my heart stomped on, it fragile ya know. So here I am around 6 am and instead of working out, I am here laying in bed wishing that I could get ayer back and simply ignore his first tm...ignorance is bliss and was I soaking it in until now...I deleted the conversation from my phone...now I just have to figure out how to delete it from my heart...

I need a personal day AKA I need a emotional, I feel bad for the next person that crosses me day...


We were once happy...


(((((((inhale)))))))))
(((((namaste namaste namaste)))))))
((((((((exhale)))))))))


Namaste...

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8 comments :

  1. What an insensitive jerk! I am so sorry girl. But you are so much better than him. Who does that? Anyway, I'm praying for ya. And I totally believe in mental health days off work ;-) Breathe girl, breathe. We love you!

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  2. Thank you sarah! I really appreciate it =)...I ended up coming into work, why stay home and be depressed when I can come here and be depressed lol...ohhh I just added a pic of him and I on the Post...this way if you are ever in NY again and see him, you can give him an evil eye hahaha

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  3. I am so sorry Mari.

    I think you know what is best for you.

    BUT, let me just say this,If I can give any advice.

    you need to cut his ass OFF. period!

    little boys posing as men are in abundance I tell ya, ugh! :(

    trust me, I feel ya. more than you know!
    Jen

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  4. Aww I'm sorry!! He is a real jerk! But I think you are definitely better off without him!

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  5. Thanks for sharing that! I know how hard it is, but you are a tough cookie!

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  6. to hear all of this went down. What bullshit. I hate that you're feeling this way. Sorry kid. I'm here for you, you know that.

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  7. Sweetie I am so sorry that you had a bad day! He sounds like a total douche bag. In reality, people only do things like this when they are insecure and still vengeful about the break-up, meaning that they are definitely not over it. Either that or he is just a sick, sick person in which case you don't want to be with him anyway. Plus after looking at that picture - you can DEFINITELY do better. You deserve a guy who is going to treat you well and lift you up rather than try to tear you down. I will slap him should I ever pass by him on the street.

    I am glad to hear that you are doing better after this though. Way to not let him get you permanently down - you should never let him win!

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  8. Mariette!!! I know his game, cuz sadly I've played it with other exes, and it only has to do with him and not you.. the whole conversation, having u a text message away, "using" you emotionally.. it's all to make him feel better about himself.. URGHHHHH.. you have to find a sexy asian man in your life!!! =D.. i would love to help you =P.. i'm sorry about your rough day on weds..

    I know it's always easier for people to tell you what to do.. (cut him off, let him go, move on..), but i know its the toughest thing, it'll be like apart of you is gone and there's this hole that's not going to be filled.. but you have to know what great of a woman you are, and that you have spent about a year finding and loving yourself.. so i'm not suggesting you cut him off or forget about him, but it's much easier said then done.. but i do suggest u going out more often, doing things you'd never do.. (4 minute speed date & singles night!! the best thing in the world!! if u don't like the dude, u only have to spend another 3 minutes with him!!) and if no men fit the mold, you'll find amazing women who are in the exact same shoes as you are, and before you know it.. you'll be breaking hearts.. I LOVE YOU!!! call me if anything!

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