Monday, September 18, 2017

Monday Morning Rambles: Lies and Detachment...

Last week, a person that I recently met asked me what are some things that are a huge "no no" for me and I answered "Liars and people who make too much bodily noises" (eww gross). Which is ironic because a couple of days later, someone who I am supposedly close with, happened to lie to me (yet again).

It got me to think of two of the Yamas: Satya and Aparigraha

Satya which is the Sanktrit word for truth, referring to being truthful in one's thought, speech and action. Patanjali considers satya as a restraint from falsehood in one's action, words, and feelings or thoughts. Aparighraha. the virtue of non-coveting, non-possessing is a means of path of spiritual existence. In outer world, aparigraha manifests as non-possessiveness with simple living; while in psychological terms, it is a state of non-attachment, non-craving and one that envelops the sense of contentment.

For so long, I was attached to this illusion that this person would grow out of this phase and be truthful with me. Unfortunately they've been this way since they were a child and I needed to detach from this hope.

Now the hard part comes in...I have to separate myself from this person; last week was the last straw. I gave them the chance to be honest about an incident that occurred but instead they chose the path they always go down...lies.

Even though I am no longer allowing this person in my personal space, I wish them no harm and I will eventually forgive them (even if they don't care). The forgiveness, is for me because if I hold on to this resentment; they will still have this power over me and this incident will continue to replay in my head.

In moments like this, I realize just how much Yoga has changed my life. Before yoga...this would have gone down very differently.

Don't allow others to take you out your element and if someone has hurt you in the past, forgive them. "Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”


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Monday, September 11, 2017

Monday Morning Rambles: Disconnected...

I find it ironic that this post is titled "Disconnected" and it almost didn't go up today because my internet traveled back to 1995 when my hair was high and my internet was slow. Thankfully the amazing technician, Rocky has me back up and running.

This past Saturday I felt disconnected from my YTT classmates. It is not something that they did because they are all amazing souls but I just felt "off". It all started in philosophy when we were talking about the environment and what we can do to make our earth better and the topic of vegetarianism came up. For the most part, everyone is a vegetarian which I respect. I was a vegetarian for 5 years but unfortunately because of my health, I had to stop. "Thou shall not harm" also applies to myself. Thankfully, my teacher does not push vegetarianism on us but again, I felt "off"...perhaps it was my own guilt.

Later in the afternoon another incident turned me off. We were discussing our teaching experience and my asana teacher asked me to share the story of when I subbed for her class. Someone made a comment that got under my skin and I was ready to just go home.

I walked home from class that evening and tried to clear my head...I don't feel like I fit the mold of a typical yogi, I am just me and sometimes I want to meditate and sometimes I want to scream FUCK.

Sunday morning came and it took everything in me to go to class. I have always struggled with not feeling like I belonged and shutting down (it could be because of my depression and social anxiety). I arrived to class and barely spoke to anyone, I put my pillow down for philosophy and sat & tried to hide in my shell.

I think the universe knew that I needed someone to connect with and she sent my 200 hour classmate Sara for reinforcements. Even though she is not taking the 500 hours, she stayed the whole day and her energy made me feel so much better. We were seated next to each other for most of the afternoon and I could feel my heart opening up again and my shell slowly sliding off.

Between her being there and my new love mala...the rest of the day turned around.

Ebb and Om posted this "Love Mala" and I knew that it was meant to be mine since recently I have been meditating on love. I decided about a month ago that I am ready to meet someone and open my heart to them. However, I think the mala chose ME because I still have some work to do with my own heart.  It's made with Rhodonite (known for its emotional healing and is perfect for balancing the heart chakra.) and Rose Quartz (known for attracting and keeping love, also used when it comes to healing one's heart)

I may not fit the mold of a typical yogi so I will make my own mold...
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Monday, September 4, 2017

Monday Morning Rambles: Let's Try This Again....

So remember last month when I subbed for my yoga teacher and it was...hmm how do I say this politely? Oh yes, a shit show!

I told myself that I would honor my commitment and sub this weekend but honestly I had zero urge to return. Before returning, I received some feedback from my teacher and the ladies said that I had them on their knees for too long and they couldn't hear me (I guess, I am the first quiet latina...I kid I kid). I took these notes and made sure to prepare accordingly.

Before the class began, I was sitting by the front desk and one of the ladies whom walked out last time approached me. She asked if I was subbing again and I said yes and asked if she would be attending, I was waiting for a "no" but to my surprise she actually said yes. She also gave me some feed back and it was the same two things that my teacher had previously told me so I let her know that I was already aware.

Zumba was over and it was time for me to walk into the lions den; I was ready to see the disappointed faces. Amidst the "ehh" faces, I saw one friendly face; my classmate who frequents this class. Y'all, I felt like I heard the angels sing.

I released what happened last time and began to teach from the heart. Since the ladies had mentioned the knee problems, I created a standing warrior flow and I even included humble warrior and made a point to say that we all need to be more humble at times. I was conscious to speak loudly and also demonstrated more. Half an hour into the class and all hands were on deck...and by savasanah, I still had a full house!

Last time,  barely anyone approached me after class.  This time, they clapped! They freaking clapped! I usually feel awkward when my students do this but I welcomed the love. A few of the ladies even approached me after class and thanked me for wonderful hour. I was in shock.

After class, I was in the parking lot talking to my friend and she told me something that I am so grateful that she waited until the end to let me know. She informed me that when I entered the studio, a couple of the ladies said "oh no, not her". I was prepared for this but to hear that it actually happened, broke my heart. My friend told them to give me a chance and explained how difficult it is to stand up there and cover for our teacher, who is known as one of the best teachers in Queens.

The ladies gave me a chance, I taught from my heart and they opened theirs. We all humbled ourselves and enjoyed our time together.

Remember, if you fail at something...don't let it deter you; go back and slay that fucking dragon!

From that ashes she rose....

Watch my video below so you can see the shirt that I wore to make a statement without saying a single word....

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